"On May 31st I was raped in Itaewon"

I do not know how to start this gently, so I am just going to come out and say it: on May 31st I was raped in Itaewon.  I was out drinking with a friend at G--- Bar (ladies night) and the last thing I remember was doing shots with a man whom I had just met. The next thing I knew I was waking up (in a blurry state of mind) in a dirty love motel and he was raping me. I was unable to do or say anything because I was still very drunk, or drugged, and then I passed out again. The next day I woke up wearing only a t-shirt of his, with vomit in my hair and bruising on the top of my left foot. I had a massive headache and was very confused about what had happened the night before. Immediately I was told that I had vomited and I urinated on myself.  I asked him if we had sex.  

His first reply was no.  I told him that I remembered having sex to which he then confirmed that we did. I could tell that he was also feeling uncomfortable.  At this point he told me I still had my wallet with me and that he had used a condom. Like he had done me a service and I should be thankful for his assistance.  I quickly got my clothes on, which were soaking wet, and went home.  At this point I had not labeled the act rape.  I just wanted to get out of his vicinity as soon as possible. I was so hung over and confused. I had not registered what happened to me.  This is not an unusual response from a person who has been sexually assaulted. Often victims feel that they are somehow responsible and hold themselves accountable for the violation. I experienced a very textbook reaction to the situation.

Later that day, it hit me that I was raped. This harsh realisation came to me when I was retelling the incident to some of my friends. I had to hear my story from a third person perspective. I knew that if another person was telling me this exact story that I would tell them that they were raped. Coming to that realisation was a very difficult process.  I felt very dirty and extremely violated. I did not want to admit that I was a rape victim/survivor.  I did not want to have a personal relationship with that word, a word I had feared for most of my life.

I had R----’s Kakao information (phone number) from the previous night so I messaged him saying I felt that he took advantage of me and that I was in no state of mind to consent to sex. He wrote back saying I was passing out on the street so he took me to his motel where I vomited all over myself and urinated in his bed. He became very defensive and claimed that he had nothing to do with me sexually. He felt that he was entitled to a thank you and not an accusation. This was disturbing for many reasons.

With the support of my friends I went to the one-stop center (sexual assault clinic) at the police hospital. I initially did not want to go.  I wanted to shower and pretend that nothing had happened. I thought that I was to blame. I did not want to retell my story because I was terrified that I would not be believed. That I would be held accountable for the incident.  I did not want to experience the shame that comes hand in hand with victim blaming. I feared that I would not be taken seriously because I was unconscious for the majority of the rape.  All of these reactions are very common for victims of sexual assault.  After I did go and decided to press charges I felt empowered. I had taken control back.

One week later, I saw R----- in Itaewon, which sent chills down my back. He was just walking around like everything was normal.   His normalcy was so unsettling because he appeared to be unchanged by what he did to me.  Meanwhile, I was experiencing anxiety, mood swings, fear and depression.  My sense of safety and security had been taken from me.  I was having dreams of him violating me and me being defenseless to stop it.  I also had dreams of people telling me that I should not drink so much or wear that tank top; of people saying that they hoped I learned a lesson from all this.  R---- seemed as though he was taking a leisurely walk on a sunny day without a worry.

I am an advocate of women’s rights and identify as a feminist. I am passionate about empowering and advocating for women; educating others on the very real inequalities that exist between men and women; and educating others on the impact of rape culture.  I am currently in school for counselling women and would one day like to support victims of violence.  I have feared rape my whole life. I have taken precautions to walk down busy streets at night instead of short cuts. I have asked friends to come to public bathrooms with me. I have had terrifying nightmares about rape since I was 12 years old.  I am well aware of the high incidents of rape, and that most rapes are unreported.  I have friends who have been raped by strangers, boyfriends and acquaintances.  I know that most victims of rape experience re-victimization because of a justice system that was created in a rape culture that blames the victims.  Even with all of this knowledge and my feminism my initial reaction was ultimately the fear of judgment.

While most of my friends were supportive and reassuring I still encountered discouraging comments.  I was told that I was too drunk to really know what happened, that I should not go to the police because there were too many grey areas. I was kindly reminded that I had been sexually irresponsible in the not so distant past.  Essentially, I was told that because I engaged in consensual sex I put myself at risk of being raped.  Essentially, I was being told a woman who is drunk equates to a woman who gets raped and that is just the way the world works.  Recently, I was asked if I felt part of the club now. This is not a club that women desire to be a part of.  I don’t get a free t-shirt and a spot at some imaginary victims’ table.   I am not a “rapable” woman, nor did I or any other victim want this membership.  I was even instructed not to tell my father because it would upset him too much.  Like it was something that happened to him and not to me.  Like I needed to shield him from being ashamed of me.  Like I am damaged now and it is best to keep quiet about it and move on.  All of these reactions by people I love and who love me are examples of how deeply embedded rape culture is in our collective consciousness.

I am writing about this incident openly because I want other women who are unsure if they were raped or are afraid to disclose for valid reasons know that they are not alone.  They are not to blame,  it is not their fault and feelings of confusion are normal.  Sex without consent is rape.  A person who has sex with you without your consent is a rapist.  Just because you drank too much does not mean that you somehow asked for rape.  Just because you have sex does not mean that you put yourself at risk of rape.  Just because you talked to a stranger at a bar does not mean you want to have sex with him.  The responsibility of this dehumanising act lies with the rapist.  Why do we still have to tell grown men and women that rape is not the victims fault? Why is this not common sense in 2014?

I am not damaged goods, I am not a part of a rape club, and I am not defined by this incident.  This act happened to me, but I will not allow it to limit me.  I believe some people would feel more comfortable if I decided to stay home and never to go to another bar again.  That I should learn my lesson and suffer the consequences of constant fear, depression and isolation. That I should act like the victim of rape they see on TV or in the media.  My strength makes people uncomfortable and skeptical of me.  But it is my feminism and my belief in myself that helps me to heal.  My world has not been shattered only readjusted.

I am not a victim or a survivor first. I am woman who has been a victim and a survivor of rape.  I am not ashamed because I know that the shame belongs to R----.

One-stop center at the police hospital is a resource every woman in Seoul should know about.   If you are sexually assaulted find the strength and a friend to go to this center.  They will give you antibiotics to prevent infection, a physical examination, blood and STD tests, a counsellor to talk to and the choice of reporting the incident to the police.  This service was 100 percent free and the staff were professional as well as sensitive.

Caroline

Update: Those interested in further information about police response to sexual assault might be interested to read Raped and alone in a foreign land

Attend my talk on Korea's Sex Trafficking Prevention Act, International Norms & Local Legal Rhetoric

I will present a part of my research this Friday afternoon at the International Studies Academic Conference hosted by Yonsei University. The event will run from 1PM to 6PM in New Millenium Hall Room 101. I think I may be the last speaker on the second panel in the flyer below (after 3:30PM presumably). Just FYI, venue is located closer to the Ehwa University back entrance bus stop although you can enjoy the walk through the campus from the Yonsei front gate if you'd like. Hope to see some familiar faces in the audience~

RSVP and find event details at https://www.facebook.com/events/632909236786624/

Street Harassment in Korea

A little over six weeks since launching Hollaback! Korea I have already read about 20 stories from members of our community. I have also seen hundreds of people step up to join our project to end street harassment. At our events and during interviews, a number of people who have not written their stories and shared to the site have also discussed the issue with me.

An audience member at our Bystander Intervention Workshop

I am frequently asked, "What is Hollaback?"

Hollaback is an international movement to end street harassment that is active in 24 countries and over 71 cities in 10 languages. By street harassment, we refer to sexist, racist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist, sizeist and/or classist harassment that often targets women, LGBTQ and transgender community members. This harassment takes place in public places like parks, the subway, on the street or in a shop. Street harassment can be intimidating behavior intended to make the target uncomfortable or scared. It can be verbal, physical, gestures or noises, and other forms of intimidating behavior.

"How was Hollaback! Korea founded?"

We are organizing this project all over Korea, but particularly in Seoul, Gwangju, Jeju, Seosan, Daejeon and Daegu. I started to recruit founding team members last July and we all participated in a 3 month online training course and supported by the iHollaback international team so that we could prepare for the launch in early December. We had a lot of hard work like translating the website and mobile app into English, planning 5 launch events in Seoul, Gwangju and Jeju, moderating and growing our social media presence on Facebook and Twitter, and doing media and press outreach. I am really grateful to our team for their dedication and to our community for their warm welcome.

"How does Hollaback! address street harassment?"

Hollaback! has empowered people in over 70 cities and 24 countries internationally to respond to street harassment through a smartphone or web application. Users are encouraged to speak up when they see harassment by quickly documenting it in a short post (photo optional) and sharing it to a publicly viewable map. Anyone browsing the stories on the Hollaback! maps immediately understands 3 things:

1) If you’ve been harassed, you’re not alone,
2) Street harassment is used to exert control over others by making them feel scared or uncomfortable. It is much more than individuals just acting inappropriately.
3) There are street harassment “hotspots” in most cities often centered around high pedestrian traffic areas.
Hollaback! provides comfort to those harassed, and proof that street harassment is a serious problem warranting a serious response from policy makers.

"Is Hollaback! Korea different from other sites because of domestic law?"  

First, it is important to note that our project is about support and social awareness. We are primarily focused on supporting those targeted for street harassment and to promoting public outreach to stop harassers. We believe that what specifically counts as street harassment is determined by those who experience it.  If you’ve experienced street harassment, we’ve got your back! I highly recommend speaking with an organization like Korea Womens Hotline for more detailed analysis of the law, but I can make some personal observations about Korea law.

I think that the Korean legal system is one of the most well organized in the world. Of course there are differences in legal codes country to country, for example, some countries recognize a Good Samaritan code more than Korea. This means that if you intervene to protect someone in danger you get some consideration for being a Good Samaritan. A major difference might be that although Hollaback users in New York and other cities can post the face of their harasser, on our site we have to blur the face and the names of any businesses in the image. We can, and do, post images, but the face has to be blurred. Some countries have more extensive laws covering street harassment than Korea and some do not have such laws. Right now there is a public indecency law with a fine of 30,000 won on the books.

Learn more

I was recently invited to TBS eFM for an interview about Hollaback! Korea to discuss street harassment and have shared the interview below.

Testify, Part II: Latent Rapists [Guest Post]

Korean Gender Café hosts the second installment of this series with guest blogger Chloe Lee Myunghyun, an organizer of Disruptive Voices, who shares her story about sexual assault, police reporting and dating after assault. Also read Part I: The Morning After and PART III: Sex After Sexual Assault 성폭행 후의 성생활. 

-Chelle B Mille

PART II: Latent Rapists

a friend is hard to press charges against

if you know him you must have wanted it
a misunderstanding
you know these things happen
are you sure you didnt suggest
had you been drinkin
a rapist is always to be a stranger to be legitimate someone you never saw a man wit obvious problems
pin-ups attached to the insides of his lapels
ticket stubs from porno flicks in his pocket
a lil dick
or a strong mother
or just a brutal virgin
but if you’ve been seen in public wit him danced one dance kissed him good-bye lightly
wit closed mouth
pressin charges will be as hard as keepin yr legs closed while five fools try to run a train on you
these men friends of ours who smile nice stay employed and take us out to dinner
lock the door behind you
wit fist in face to fuck
who make elaborate mediterranean dinners & let the art ensemble carry all ethical burdens while they invite a coupla friends over to have you are sufferin from latent rapist bravado & we are left wit the scars
bein betrayed by men who know us
& expect like the stranger we always thot waz comin
that we will submit
we must have known
women relinquish all personal rights the presence of a man who apparently cd be considered a rapist
specially if he has been considered a friend
he is no less worthy of bein beat witin an inch of his life bein publicly ridiculed havin two fists shoved up his ass
man the stranger he always thot it wd be
who never showed up
az it turns out the nature of rape has changed
we can now meet them in circles we frequent for companionship
we see them at the coffeehouse
wit someone else we know
we cd even have em over for dinner & get raped in our own houses by invitation a friend
by Ntozake Shange

Ntozake Shange의 소설 <<For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf(무지개로써 충분했을때/자살을 고민한 유색인종 여성들을 위해)>>에서 나오는 한 시다. 영화로 각색한 이 작품을 보고 난  후 나는 마지막 줄이 가장 섬뜩했다. "We cd even have em over for dinner & get raped in our own houses by invitation a friend". 의역을 하자면 "우린 친구인 가해자들을 집에 저녁 초대를 해 우리집에서 강간을 초대한다"다. 내가 그랬다. 5년 동안 알고지낸 지인, 개인적으로 내 취향으로는 조금 가벼운 성격의 소유자지만 재능있는 친구로 나쁘게만 평가하진 않았다. 통계학적으로 성추행 및 성폭행 가해자의 거의 80%는 피해자가 평소에 알고 있는 사람이라고 한다. 머리로만 알고 있었던 숫자, 현실에서 왜 계산이 안된 걸까. 난 원래 수학에 약하다.

The above poem is an excerpt from Ntozake Shange's For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. When I first watched the adapted film, I felt the last line exceptionally chilling - "We cd even have em over for dinner & get raped in our own houses by invitation a friend." That's what happened to me. An acquaintance I knew for 5 years, an individual I felt a little shallow for my taste yet talented, so he wasn't all bad in my eyes. Statistically speaking, almost 80% of rape and sexual assault perpetrators are people that the victim knows(1). Numbers I only knew intelligibly, yet I could not calculate the events that would, might, could happen in real life. I've always been bad at math.

마음도 약하다. 지금은 많이 나아졌지만 한 번씩 감정이 폭풍처럼 밀려올때가 있다. 그의 폭력적인 행위보다는 나의 무력함이 수치스러웠다. 모두 상처와 고통이 있는 사람들끼리 사는 삶속에서 대화로 안 통할때가 있다는 점이 너무 증오스러웠다. 투쟁하고, 발버둥치고, 싸워야 겨우 숨쉴수 있는 공간을 지킬수 있는 현실이 미칠 듯이 짜증났고 징그럽게 부정적인 사회와 타협하고 싶지 않았다. 나의 히피족-평화주의-반폭력주의 사상은 내가 싸워야 했을때 날 병신으로 만들었다. 폭력말고 말과 눈빛으로 사람과 교감하면 누구든 설득시킬수 있다고 생각했다. 지금도 그런 주의지만 가끔은 폭력도 필요하다. 말콤 X.

I'm also bad at being tough. I mean really tough. I have gotten over most of what happened, but once it awhile, it comes over me like a wave. I was humiliated more by my helplessness than his violence. I hated the fact that people would not communicate even though we can connect through pain. I did not want to compromise with this disgustingly negative society where I had to fight tooth and nail, throw a violent tantrum just to survive. Just to come up and breathe. Coincedentally, this hippie-pacificist-anti-violent attitude of mine left me crippled with no defense. I used to believe I could persuade anyone if I looked deep enough into their eyes and connect. I suppose I am still inclined to believe so but when you have to fight for your right to be respected as a human being, fight...by any means necessary. Malcolm X.

이하는 2013년 2월 중순 내가 작성한 진술서다. 어이없이 짧은 공소시효 기간, 그리고 이미 저 멀리 미국으로 튄 그 놈 탓에 한동안 내 진술서는 그냥 안타깝기 그지없는 이야기였다. 오늘 여기서 처음 내뱉는 말이지만, 단체로 고소를 하려 했을때, 6개월 이전 피해자들에게 질투를 느끼기도 했다. 그들은 법적으로 자신들의 경험을 인정 받았고, 나 같은 6개월이 지난, 마치 유통기간이 지난 이야기는 버렸다. 나는 몇 주 후 끝까지 고소를 포기하지 않은 생존자와 함께해주려는 마음에 2명의 친구들과 함께 경찰서에 갔다. 나는 그날 회사에서 오후 시간을 빼달라고 요청을 하고 나왔다. 가는 도중 이날 생존자는 경찰서에서 나와 통화했던 형사를 만날수 있다고 했다. 전에는 "보면 한 마디할거야"라고 예상했지만 막상 가니 "왜 지금와서 고소하는 거에요", "증거가 없으면 성폭행, 강제추행 건은 증명하기가 힘듭니다"등 냉정하지만 형사로서 모두 타당성있는 질문들이었다. 이런걸 이용해 먹는 사람들을 막기 위해 법이있는거다. 머리로는 이해하지만 솔직히 마음은 너무 무거웠다. 당일 고소하러 경찰서에 찾아온 그녀는 형사와 담배를 피우며 대화하는 모습을 보고 나는 한편은 애써 체념한건지, 인간애는 바싹 마르고 관료주의에 찌든 그들이 정말 괜찮은 건지 구분하기 힘들었다.

Below is a statement I wrote on February 2013. For a good while, due to an unbelieveably scant statute of limitations and the fucker that fled to the US, my statement was just a sorry testimony that was sad - not the emotional kind, but the state kind of sad. The sadder(still state) truth? I am admitting this for the first time here but I felt a pang of jealousy throughout the whole ordeal towards the six-month-and-under victims. They had legally binding stories while stories older than 6 months were disposed, as if we mistook the expiration date and presented it to the detectives to drink our fucking Kool-Aid. A few weeks later, I accompanied one of the victims (of the former group) who was pressed to pursue to case, together with two friends to the police station. I took a few hours off from work. On our way, the victim set to testify said that the detective I had conversed with over the phone would be present. I thought I would want to argue with the detective but when later during his break, he casually yet firmly bombarded me with questions like "Why are you pursuing this case now?" and "Rape and sexual assault cases are hard to prove without evidence" whatever response came out of my mouth sounded like one from a whiny child. I knew his questions were rational (and cold), but my heart was still heavy. When I saw the survivor smoking and talking with the detective before the interrogation, I could not tell whether she had resigned to status quo or if she was really okay with these so-called upholders of justice, nary a drop of humanity but reeking with bureaucracy.

홀로는 법정에서 유효없는 진술서, 오늘 이렇게 남들과 공유하고 내가 치유 받을 수 있게 해준 하나의 공감대가 됐다.

Below is a statement that holds no individual validity in the justice system, has now become a medium for me to share with other and begin healing for myself.

*이하 진술서는 독자들을 위해 편집된 내용들이 있습니다. The statement below has been slightly edited for reader discretion.
이명현 (23)
Chloe Lee Myung Hyun (23)
2012년 6월 말 주말에 친구 M씨와 함께 이태원 한 라운지에서 술을 마시며 같이 시간을 보내고 있었다. 라운지는 지인들이 많은 단골집이라 자주 마주치는 친구들이 많다. 나도 마찬가지로 자주 간다.이날 항상 그렇듯이 오랫동안 알고 지낸 C씨가 있어 인사 차원으로 포옹을 하고 간단한 대화를 했다. 그날 저녁 M씨와 주로 대화를 나누거나 춤을 췄다. C씨도 M씨랑 잘 아는 사이라 셋이서 지나가면서 대화를 하기도 했다. 약 새벽 4시(시간은 정확하지 않지만 늦은 시간이었다) C랑 대화를 하고 있었는데 그가 나에게 자기 집에 가자고 했다. 그의 어감도 그랬고 단둘이 그의 집에 가는 것은 어색해 나는 그건 아닌 것 같다고 대답했다. 오랫동안 알고 지낸 사이인데도 나의 방어적인 태도에 어이 없듯이 그는 “나 너한테 아무것도 안 할 거 알잖아”라고 했다. 나는 여러 차례 단호하지만 미소 지으면서 거절을 했다. 이때 그는 “그냥 집에 여성의 기운이 좀 있었으면 좋겠다”라며 설득하려고 애를 썼다.

On the last weekend of June 2012, I was hanging out with my friend M, at a lounge in Itaewon. Many of my friends went there and I was a regular myself. As always, another regular C, was there at the lounge and we hugged, as a way of greeting each other. For the rest of the night, I was mostly either talking or dancing with M. C and M know each other well so we would break or carry spontaneous conversations amongst the three of us. Around 4am(I am unsure of the exact time but it was late), I was talking to C and he suggested that I come over to his place. His tone of voice was suggestive and going to his house alone would be awkward for me so I told him no. He must have sensed my hesitation and thought it funny since we have known each other for a long time, so he said, "You know I am not going to do anything to you." I declined multiple times, in a firm tone but with a smile. He later added, "I just want some female energy in the house."
처음 4~5년 전 시 공연(모임)에서 만난 사이로 오래 전부터 재능 있는 친구라고 여겼고 대학생 시절 영자잡지에 기고자로 일을 했을 때도 그의 인터뷰 기사를 쓰기도 했지만 진실성이 없고 여자들에게 시시덕거리는 모습을 많이 봐와 개인적으로는 어울리지 않았으며 파티나 공공장소에서 보면 인사하는 정도였다. 나는 그가 계속 자신의 집에서 놀자고 하는 질문에 의심하는 태도로 그에게 되물었지만 밤이 늦어지자 시끄러운 라운지 보다는 조용한 집이 좋다는 생각에 M에게 셋이 같이 가자고 내가 제안을 했다. 우린 늦은 시간 그의 집으로 나섰다. 자기 집이 바로 옆이라며 우리 둘을 안내해줬다.

We first met about 5 years ago in a spoken word event and I always thought he was talented. I even pitched an idea to do an interview on him during my years in university as a contributing writer for a magazine. However, I always felt that he lacked sincerity and always saw him as a skirt-chaser so I never tried to get to know him any better than our acquaintance which obliged us to merely acknowledge each other in public. I was dubious about his request to hang out at his place, but as the night wore on, I was leaning towards being in a quiet house rather than a noisy lounge so I asked M to come along with us. The three of us headed to his place. He guided the two of us to his place.
셋중 난 문앞에 먼저 들어섰는데 이때 C는 나의 엉덩이를 잡았다. 나는 “야!(Hey!)”라고 하자 그는 미안하다고 웃으며 넘겼다. 그리고 M과 C, 그리고 나는 그의 소파에서 편하게 앉아 대화를 나눴다. 그는 그의 ipad로 전 여자친구 사진, 파출부 아줌마가 만들어준 요리 등을 보여주며 편하게 대화를 했다. 나는 소파 가장자리에 앉아 있었고 C랑은 접촉이 불가능한 위치에서 M의 어깨에 기대고 있었다.

I was the first to get to his front door and when C got closer, he grabbed my butt. When I yelled, "Hey!", he laughed and said sorry. Soon, M, C, and I were hanging out on his couch, talking. He showed us pictures of his ex-girlfriend and the food his maid cooked him on his iPad. I was sitting on the opposite end of the sofa from him and leaning against M's shoulder.
술 기운에 몸이 무거워지고 아침에 가까운 시간이 되자 졸음이 밀려왔다. 나는 “얘들아, 나 그냥 여기서 잔다”라고 전했다. 이미 눈을 감고 있는 나에게 C는 “그냥 내 방에서 자. 우린 여기서 놀다가 잘게”라고 나에게 그의 방 안에 있는 침대를 양보해줬다. 나는 “고마워.”라고 하고 그의 방에 들어가 침대에 누워 깊은 잠에 빠졌다.

My body felt heavier from all the drinking at the lounge and I could feel morning getting closer. I hollered amidst their silence, "Guys, I'm just gonna sleep on the couch", while still leaning on M's shoulder. When my eyes were already closed, C said, "Go sleep in my room. Me and M will chill here and sleep on the couch." and gave up his bed for me. I trotted into his bedroom and said "Appreciate it" and fell into a deep sleep.
시간이 얼마나 지났는지는 기억이 나지 않는다.
I don't remember how much time has passed.
참고로 난 이날 소매가 없는 점슈트를 입고 있어 브래지어를 안 입은체 옷안에는 팬티만 입고 있었다.
For the record, I was wearing a sleevless jumpsuit with no brassiere and panties underneath my clothes that night.
점슈트가 단번에 벗겨지는 강력한 힘에 눈을 반사적으로 뜨게 됐다. C가 침대 옆에 앉아 있었다. 나는 그에게 “너 지금 뭐 하는 짓이야?”라고 하자 그는 “나 좀 안아줘”라고 반복적으로 애원을 했다. 그리고 체위를 바꿔  내 몸을 눌러 나에게 키스를 하고 가슴을 빨았다. 이번에 나는 그의 눈을 뚫어지게 보며 “너 지금 뭐 하는 짓이야?”라고 단호하게 묻자 그는 계속 안아달라고 반복적으로 “제발”이라고 했다. 난 “옷은 왜 벗기는 건데?그만 해. 하지마.”라고 말했다. 그는 나에게 키스를 하자 나는 그를 밀쳤다. 그는 이어 나의 가슴을 빨고 팬티를 벗겼다. 그는 나의 아랫도리를 문질렀다. 내가 “C, 하지마. 하지마”라고 하며 그의 팔을 밀자 그는 자신의 바지를 벗고 성기를 꺼내며 “안 집어 넣을게. 그냥 좀 문지르게 해줘”라고 여러 차례 말했다. 난 “싫어”라고 하며 그의 여자친구의 이름(개인적으로 그녀랑은 더 올래 알고 지낸 사이다)을 대며 그녀에게 무슨 짓을 하는 거냐고 했다. 그는 그녀는 미국에 있다고 둘러댔다. 그는 그의 성기를 나의 아랫도리에 대며 그의 몸으로 나를 눌러 성기를 집어넣으려고 했다. 내가 “너 계속하면 나 진짜 소리 지른다”라고 협박했다. 그는 내 몸을 누르고 있는 채로 날 보고 “뭐라고 할건데, 강간?”라며 날 비웃었다. 난 그를 다시 밀자 그는 “알았어. 그냥 옆에 누워 있을게.”라고 하며 이불을 다시 끌어올렸다. 난 그에게 몸을 돌려 팬티와 점슈트를 다시 입으려고 하자 그는 옷을 못 입게 했다. 난 또 그에게 “그만해 하지마 C”라고 하자 그는 다시 나의 몸에 손을 대기 시작했다. 나는 옷을 입으려고 계속 저항하고 그는 계속 벗기려고 했다.

I instantly opened my eyes when I felt a strong force pulling off my jumpsuit. C was sitting on the bed. "What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled.
"Just hold me," he pleaded. He got on top of me and kissed me, and sucked on my breasts.
This time, I looked into his eyes, searching for an answer, saying, "What the fuck are you doing.", in a calm tone.
He kept saying please, please. Please, please just hold me.
"Why are you taking my clothes off? Stop. Quit it."
He forced his lips on mine and I pushed his face away. He then went below to suck my breasts and take my panties off. He rubbed my vagina.
I pleaded, "Quit it. Quit it, C" and peeled his arm away.
He continued to take his pants off and pulled his penis out and said, in a crazed state, "I won't put it in, just let me rub it."
"No!" I shouted. I mentioned his girlfriend, whom I knew of longer than he and asked what he is doing to her. He dismissed it by saying she was in the US. He rubbed his penis against my groin area and pressed his body against mine and tried to penetrate. "If you do it, I am going to scream,"I threatened.
"What are you gonna scream, rape?" He scoffed and laughed. I pushed him off again and he said, "Ok ok, I'll just sleep next to you." and pulled the covers over the both of us. I turned my body against his and was putting my clothes back on but he stopped me. I repeated, "Stop, quit it, C" but he started groping me all over again. I kept struggling to put my clothes back on while he kept preventing me from doing so.
때마침 이때 그의 다른 친구가 앞문을 여는 소리가 들려왔다. 나는 벗겨진 옷을 입자 그는 “쉬!조용히 해야 돼!”라고 했지만 그 틈을 타 옷을 제대로 입고 방 문을 열어 거실로 나섰다. 알고 보니 내가 알고 있었던 지인이었고 다같이 대화를 나누다가 C는 뒤늦게 나왔다. 넷이서 아무 일도 없었듯이 얘기를 나누기 시작했다.

While I was struggling in bed, I heard a friend of his coming into the house through the front door. I quickly got dressed and he said, "Shhh! You have to be quiet" but I took the opportunity to properly dress myself and leave the bedroom. At the living room was another acquaintance and we sat down together on the couch and were talking. C came out of the room later. The four of us talked like nothing ever happened.
그 후 그 친구는 아침 7시경에 떠났고 나는 M이랑C 사이에 앉게 됐다. 그는 M이 있는 앞에서 한 번씩 나의 허벅지에 손을 댔다. 그 후 Michael은 담배를 피러 나갔는데 그 때 C는 나의 점슈트를 가슴까지 내려 가슴을 빨았다. 나는 “하지마”이라고 하고 옷을 다시 올렸는데 M은 밖에서 우리가 장난치는 줄 알고 창문 넘어“나 여기 있어”라고 했다. C는 “응, 알았어!(Ok!)”라며 다시 나의 가슴을 가지고 웃으면서 장난을 쳤다. 나는 몸을 움직여 하지 말라고 했다. M이 또 한번 “나 아직도 여기 있어”라고 했다. 그리고 한 몇 분 후 M 들어왔다. 아침 8시30분, 몸이 깨기 시작하자 나는 집에 간다고 했다. M도 같이 간다고 하고 우린 C의 집을 나섰다.

Later on, the friend who came in the morning left around 7am and it was just me, M, and C again. C got even more ballsy and even touched my thigh in front of M. Later, when M went outside for a smoke by the front door, C pulled my jumpsuit down and sucked my breast ouf of nowhere. I yelled, "Stop it!" and pulled my jumpsuit back up. M thought we were playing around and yelled from outside, "I'm here!", and C replied, "Ok!", chuckling, but he did it again. I shifted even further away from him and told him to stop. M repeated, "I'm still here!" and a few minutes later came back into the house. Around 8:30am, I was sobering up and announced I wanted to leave. M said he would leave too and we left C's house together.
그리고는 그날 오후 그에게서 카카오톡 메세지가 왔다.
That afternoon, a Kakao message from him arrived.


(1)http://www.oneinfourusa.org/statistics.php

Testify, PART I: The Morning After [Guest Post]

Korean Gender Café partners with guest blogger Chloe Lee Myunghyun, an organizer of Disruptive Voices, who shares her story in the first of a three part series about sexual assault, police reporting and dating after assault. Thank you to our sisters organizing Disruptive Voices for opening up dialog for survivors and to spread awareness about sexual violence. Please also read Part II: Latent Rapists and Part III: Sex After Sexual Assault 성폭행 후의 성생활.

-Chelle B Mille

PART I: The Morning After 


어제 쿨하게 대해줘서 고마워 

Thanks for being cool about last night.

내가 어제 있었던 일에 대해 태연하다고 생각하지마.

Don't think that I am cool with it.

미안.

Sorry

미안

I am sorry.

너무 미안해.

I am so sorry.

진심으로 사과할께.

I apologize.

난 그 일 이후 그냥 아무일도 없었다는 듯이 그날의 일을 깊숙히 묻어버렸다. 심지어 그 일 이후 그가 내 앞에서 무릎꿇고 용서해달라고 했을때도, 그가 나를 우연히 마주칠때마다 미안하다고 계속 얘기할때면은 "얘 왜 이러냐. 그 정도로 심각하건 않인데"라고 내 자신에게 강해야된다고 최면을 걸었던 것 같다. 그리고는 8개월이 지났다. 2013년 2월 중, 나의 페이스북 계정으로 아는 친구가 메세지를 보내왔다. 내용은 현재 그와 관련된 4명의 성추행 및 성폭행 피해자가 밝혀졌다며 더 많은 피해자들의 증언이 필요하다는 단체 메세지였다. 그 순간 충격과 역겨움은 말로 표현할 수도 없다. 이런 생각이 잘못됐을 수도 있지만 한편으로는 일종의 안도감도 느꼈다. 내가 혼자가 아니라는 안도감. 내가 당했던 일에 대한 명분이 생긴것만 같았다.

I buried everything that happened that night, in a back burner somewhere and I wanted it to disappear. Even when he got on his knees in public to ask for forgiveness, and every time he apologized when he saw me. I would tell myself, "What the fuck is his problem? It's not that serious." Maybe it was my way of defending my deep-seated denial. And then 8 months passed. February of 2013, I received a message from a friend, asking for victims of my perpetrator to come forward, as there were already 4 other victims from sexual harassment to rape. The moment I received the message, I was sick to my stomach. But I also felt a sense of relief. Maybe it isn't the most politically correct thing, but a sense of relief knowing that I wasn't the only one. I found cause, a type of legitimacy, if you will, about what happened to me.

한편 난 위험한 논리로 자학했다. 내가 당한게 성추행 또는 성폭행이라면, 난 왜 싸우지 않았을까? 즉, 그를 때리지 않은게 내 탓이며 당시 격렬한 몸싸움이 없었기에 성폭행이 아니다. 그러나 사실 이런 논리는 1) 성폭행 또는 추행의 형태 대한 고정관념 2) "______을 (안)했기에 내 탓이다"라는 사고는 피해자 책임전가로 피해자들이 흔히 시달리는 전형적인 문제들이다.

On the other hand, I was torturing myself with a self-created, twisted logic. If what happened to me was sexual assault, why didn't I fight him? If I didn't hit him to defend myself, it is my fault and therefore it is not sexual assault. But this flawed logic is what a lot of survivors suffer from. It is flawed because it 1) reinforces a stereotype that there is only one form of sexual assault and/or rape 2) is a typical case of victim blaming: "Because I did (not) ________, it is my fault."

1주일동안 망설이며 이 사건과 가해자를 아는 가까운 친구들 2명에게 조언을 구했다. 이중 한 명은 처음 내 일을 들었을때 자신의 태도에 대해 한참 뒤 또 다시 물었고 내가 서운해했다면 미안하다며 용서를 구했다. 그 전엔 또 그 똑같은 얘에게 당한 피해자 중 한명이 자신의 신분을 밝히기도 했다. 이 모든 것이 나에게는 신호였다. 그러나 가장 중요한 이유는 나의 이야기를 공유함으로써 내 자신을 용서하고 싶었다. 그토록 오랫동안 여성들에게 돌려주고 공헌하고 싶다며 대학시절 읽은 여성학 서적과 쓰고 공연한 여성을 위한 스포큰 워드(spoken word) 시, 머리와 마음은 사회에게 바친다고 생각했지만 당장 내 안에 있는 혼란도 다스리지 못했으며, 강하다고 생각했던 자신이 강간 앞에서 주먹 하나 못 날렸다. 가해자는 평상시 아는 놈이라는 확률이 높다는 통계도 알고 있었으면서 말이다. 왜 안 싸웠지. 나도 원했나? 방 밖에 있었던 친구가 방문을 부스고 도와줄거라고 생각했나? 왜 목에서 피토할 정도로 소리지르지 않았을까.

하지마. 너 지금 뭐하는 거야. 왜그래? 여자친구한테 미안하지도 않니? 그만해. 싫어. 그만하라고. 계속하면 소리지를 꺼야.

뭐라고 할건데. 강간? 그는 비아냥거렸다.

나는 이 사건 수사에 앞장서고 있었던 그녀에게 내 이야기를 들려주며 우린 서로 가까워졌다. 그녀는 사실 이미 다른 생존자들과 주기적인 모임을 가졌고 구체적인 법적 대응도 구상하고 있었다. 우린 결국 형사들에게 단체 진술서를 작성해 제출하기로 했다. D-데이가 가까워지자 예상보다는 증인 갯수가 줄었지만(중도포기하거나 법적 대응을 거부한 이들도 있었다) 나는 영-한 진술서를 작성하고 그녀앞에서 지문도장도 찍고 회사로 돌아갔다. 홀로 경찰서에 그녀를 보내는 것이 걸리긴 했지만 마음만큼은 그녀와 함께했다.

 I mulled over my options for about a week, asking advice from two close friends who knew the perpetrator and knew about my story. One friend even asked me about how he reacted when he first heard about my story and asked for forgiveness if his response upset me. On top of that, one of the survivors, who was an acquaintance came forward. These were signs. Most importantly, by sharing my story, I wanted to start being able to forgive myself. All these years, I prided myself in one day hoping to contribute and give back to women, I mistakenly thought that I have offered my heart and mind to the cause after all that reading on feminism and performing spoken word about women, but yet could not even sling a punch in the face of rape. Why didn’t I put up a better fight? Did I want it? Was I fantasizing that my friend outside the door would break open the door and save me? Why didn’t I scream till my throat bled?

Stop. What the hell are you doing? What’s wrong with you? What about your girlfriend? Quit it. No. Stop. If you continue I am going to scream.

What are you gonna say, rape? He scoffed, amused.

I eventually told the acquaintance my story and we became friends. She had already started regular meetings with the other survivors and was planning to take legal action. In the end we ended up with lesser witnesses (since some of them pulled out or said no to taking legal action), but we still had a group complaint. I gave her my Korean-English testimony and put my fingerprints on it. Unfortunately I could not join her to go to the police station due to work but my spirit was with her.

2일간 감감무소식이었던 그녀에게 연락을 했다. 홀로 경찰서에 찾아간 그녀가 당한 일도 일이지만(그일은 그녀의 이야기임으로 내 이야기에서는 삼가하겠다) 결론적으로 형사의 지시에 따르면 우린 각자 진술서를 제출하고 직접 경찰서에 찾아가야 한다고 했다. 나는 며칠 후 퇴근길에 경찰서를 찾아가려고 그녀가 준 형사의 번호로 전화를 걸었다.

Two days passed. I did not hear from her so I called her instead. She went through a hell of an ordeal with the detectives (since that story belongs to her I will not go into detail), and was told that all the witnesses had to submit individual complaints and hand them directly to the detectives themselves. A few days later, I called the detective she was working with, to ask if I could go to the police station to submit my complaint.

"안녕하세요, 제 친구가 형사님 전화번호를 전달해줬는데요, 그녀가 며칠 전에 각자 진술서를 직접 제출해야 한다고 들어서요. 오늘 저녁에 직접 형사님 뵈러 찾아갈 생각이었습니다."

"Hi, my friend gave me your number. She said we had to submit our complaint ourselves. I was wondering if I could go see you tonight at the station."

"어떤 사건때문에 그러시는거죠?"

"Which case are we talking about?"

"아..그 며칠 전에 경찰서에 찾아간 친구인데...성폭행..."

"Oh, its regarding the rape...my friend went to the station a few days ago."

"그럼 그쪽도 같은 일을 당했나요?"

"Did you experience the same thing(rape)?"

"같은건 아니지만 특별법에 의해 해당되는 건이라고 들었습니다."

"Well, not exactly the same(rape), but I hear it is considered rape with the new sexual crime clause."

"정확히 무슨 일이 있었던거죠?"

"What happened exactly?"

"...아...지금 버스 안이라 말씀드리긴 조금..."

"Oh..I'm on the bus right now. I don't really feel comfortable talking about it."

"아 네, 지금 10시가 다되서 나가봐야할 시간인데.."

"Ah yes. It's almost 10pm, I have to head out soon..."

"그럼 제가 언제 가는게 편하세요? 전 낮에는 출근해야되서요.."

"Oh, then when should I go? I work during the day."

"실례지만 그 일이 언제 있었던 일인가요?"

"I'm sorry but when did it happen to you?"

"작년 6월이요."

"June of last year."

"작년 6월?"

"June of last year?"

"네."

"Yes."

"성폭행 공소시효는 6개월인건 알고 계시죠?"

"You know that the statute of limitations for sexual assault is 6 months, right?"

"아.."

"Oh..."

"그런건 경찰서 오기전에 인터넷에서 좀 읽고 오세요."

"Read up on that kind of stuff on the internet before you come to the police station."

"...."

그후로 그가 전화를 끊었는지 아님 뭐라고 했는지 기억나지 않는다. 그냥 갑자기 급히 버스에서 내리고 싶었고 그녀에게 달려가고 싶었다. 나는 삼각지역 근처에서 버스에서 내린 후 그녀에게 여러번의 시도 끝에 통화를 했다. 그녀도 너무 분노하고 있었던 상태였고 자세한 일은 그녀의 집으로 가서 얘기하기로 했다.

I don't remember if he hung up or he continued talking. I just really needed to get off the bus that moment and run to her. I got off the bus near Samgakji station and called her several times to no avail. She finally picked up. She was raving mad from her own drama and mine, and especially about the statute of limitations. We agreed to get into details when I got to her place.

지하철로 내려가 교통카드를 찍으려고 걸어가고 있었는데 갑자기 시야가 흐려지면서 심한 빈혈 현상이 찾아왔다. 눈가가 뜨거워지기 시작했다. 마음같아선 역 안에서 소리지르고 주저앉아 엿같은 법과 그 형사를 욕하고 싶었다. 그 순간만큼은 남이 날 어떻게 생각하든 이성을 참을수가 없었다. 나는 차 안에서도 그녀와 전화를 끊지 않은체 욕설을 퍼부었다. 그리고는 목도리 뒤에 숨어 내려오는 눈물을 주저할 수 없었다.

I went down the subway station(still saving pennies at that moment in time), and tried to scan my transportation card but my vision became blurry and I got dizzy. My eyes were brimming with hot tears. I wanted to collapse on the floor and curse the fucked-up justice system and the nonchalant detective. I could care less about the strangers in the station at that moment. I stayed on the phone with her on the train and cursed belligerently. After mouthing off, I hid behind my winter scarf as I cried uncontrollably.

내가 역에서 내리자 그녀는 걸려오는 전화가 있다며 나와 전화를 끊은 후 나는 곧바로 아버지에게 연락을 했다. 이 세상에서 나를 가장 사랑해주고 숨기는 것 없이 얘기하는 사이인 아버지. 아버지라면 나와 같이 욕하겠지. 전화했다. 그러나 그는 전혀 예상치 못한 반응을 보였다. 형사와 했던 대화를 그에게 전하자 그는 나에게 "그냥 잊어버려"라며 "뭐 그런걸 가지고 그래"등 사소한 일로 치부했다. 생존자들 모임으로 간다고 하자 그는 갑자기 나에게 "네가 왜 그런데를 가!", "네가 왜 피해자야"등 나에게 윽박지르기까지 했다. 난 뭐라고 대답했지? 아, 맞다. 딸이 피해자라고 생각하고 싶지 않겠지만 피해자라고.

When I got off the train she had an incoming call so I had to hang up. I called my dad immediately. The one person that loves me the most in the world, and hid nothing from each other. We were tight. I knew my dad would curse with me. I dialed his number and he picked up. But his response came from the left field. All he could manage to say was "Just forget about it", "Why are you so upset about something like this?" Furthermore, when I told him I was attending the survivors group meeting, he turned on me and yelled over the phone, "Why would you go to such a place?", "Why are you a survivor?". What did I say in response.... ah yes, I said you might not want to believe your daughter's a victim but she is. Amongst other things.

넌 그날 아무일 없었다며. But you said nothing happened that night.

마음같아선 자세히 말씀드리고 싶었다. 그가 날 어떻게 모욕하고, 무시하고, 교묘하게 다뤘는지. 근데 아버지는 남성중심 사회인 한국에서 태어나고 자란 중년 남성이고, 나를 혼내는 방식과 그의 언어가 그것을 반영했다.

From the bottom of my heart, I wanted to tell him in detail. I wanted to tell him how the perpetrator humiliated, ignored, and manipulated me. But my father was born and raised in Korea, a country that is still rooted in male-centric norms and his way of talking to me and his language reflected that.

그날 저녁 나는 그녀와 단둘이 주방 식탁에서 와인을 마시며 마음을 털어놓았다. 그리고 내가 겪었던 일뿐만 아니라 이 사건으로 인한 오해와 사회적 모순, 나의 갈등을 속속히 이해하는 그녀와 같은 존재가 있어서 너무 고마웠다. 자매애.

That night, I sat on the kitchen table with her and poured out my heart. And I was grateful. Grateful for an existence like her that understood not only what happened to me but the intricate aspects and societal contradictions that were inextricably linked with sexual assault. Sisterhood.



For more information about Disruptive Voices, please visit them on Facebook.

Extended Rebuttal: Inflated Assumption that Sex Workers in Korea Earn “higher than the average Korean”

Here at Korea Gender Café we attempt to present information, data and translations that add to discussion of gender issues in Korean society because we hope to spur discussion. 

Yesterday we submitted a rebuttal piece to koreaBANG’stranslation “Disbelief as Korea is Ranked 108th in Global Gender Equality” that broke down a few methodological flaws in Dr. Kang’s data analysis. Due to space constraints we were unable to respond point-by-point to many of his opinionated assertions. In this post we’d like to zero in on one of the problematic opinions and attitudes he brought into the debate about gender inequality: that the exclusion of the sex industry from workforce participation data inflates the inequality between men and women.

Kang writes,

“Does the misinterpreted data about socioeconomic discrimination in fact imply discrimination against men? 

There are also many problems with the data commonly used to claim sexualdiscrimination against women within Korea. The popular story is that women arebeing discriminated against, as shown by the big gender gap in employment rateand income. However, we need to take a closer look. In fact, the gender gap in employment rate and income is exaggerated in Korea.Among OECD countries, only Korea and Slovenia have made the sex trade completely illegal. MOGEF estimated that there might be 140~270k or a higher number of female sex workers in Korea. Sex workers who earn more than the average worker are exempted from the Korean income statistics while othercountries include them. This partly contributes to the income gap that appearswider on paper than it really is. 

Do they turn a blind eye to this for the sexual discrimination claims?” 

In our submission to koreaBANG we began to respond:

“Dr.Kang points out human rights violations against women in other countries, butwe can point to sexual violence and human rights violations in every country.That is not the purpose of these indices. We agree that it is problematic thatgender inequality indexes do not adequately reflect violence against women orsexual violence. We disagree with Dr. Kang’s outward looking criticism andencourage discussion of sexual violence in Korea.” 

To elaborate, if we want to discuss human rights violations in South Korea, we could pay close attention to the upcoming Constitution Court ruling on the 2004 Act to Prevent Sex Trafficking and Prohibit Prostitution.

First, sex work is omitted from income statistics, as is drug trade, gang/mafia membership and other illegal industries in which we may find both women and men employed. Rather than claiming that its exclusion is an conspiracy to "turn a blind eye" and that it implies "discrimination against men" we find this to be a more persuasive explanation. 

Second, this assumption that sex work earns high incomes likely ignores workplace conditions, rental fees, the lack of pension, income inconsistencies, associated costs, and may obscure all those that profit from the work by taking a portion of fees, etc. 

Third, Dr. Kang does not tell us how many men are employed as sex workers, but some could argue that purchasing the right to sexual use of another’s body in a sex industry with “140~270k or a higher number of female sex workers” in and of itself could be indicative of gender inequality. If the working population is that high while the working population is low in other industries, it suggests there is a segregation of women into a few industries.  

Fourth, others could argue that Dr. Kang ignores men employed in the sex industry or who act as employers of female sex workers. Meanwhile MBN News contributes a stigmatizing tone toward LGBTQ sex workers. 

But what we would really like to argue about -- and the reason we highly anticipate the above mentioned Constitutional Court ruling -- is the persistent social stigmatization of sex workers and violation of sex worker's human rights in police crackdown and incarceration.

First, Dr. Kang never mentions that male clients are only sometimes sent to “John school” while female sex workers pay steep fines and face up to 2 years of mandatory re-education or prison. This is one more example of gender inequality in sentencing. Dr. Kang doesn’t highlight those aspects of policy that actually exist, and he presents no evidence to support his assertions.

Second, sex workers in Korea report serious human rights violations as a consequence of the current legal regime. Sex workers report swallowing condoms because simply walking with a condom is used by the police as evidence against a sex worker. The safety and health implications are rather obvious, but we urge you to read the UNDP report "Sex Work and the Law in Asia and the Pacific: Laws, HIV and human rights in the context of sex work."[1]

Third, heavy stigmatization of females in the sex industry means that even if there were not criminal penalties, gender inequality in sentencing and health perils associated with an aggressive police crackdown, workers are marginalized socially. We highly recommend Katherine Moon’s research for further reading on the history of segregated sex workers near military bases.[2] 

My ongoing research examines the relationship between the 2004 law, court sentencing and gender in Korean society. In the coming months and after publication, I look forward to sharing additional information with our readers. In the meantime, we highly recommend reading posts by sex worker’s rights NGO Giant Girls, 성노동 이론 봇 and Research Project Korea for news. 

For further reading:

Giant Girls, Grant Application, Global Fund for Women, 2010. https://grants.globalfundforwomen.org/GFWSearch/index.php?id=30551

한상희, 건국대 교수, 헌법. “성매매방지법과 여성인권” 민주법학 제30호, 2006.

최우리 기자, "당신이 굳게 믿는 그것이 진리일까," 한겨레,  2012.12.01. http://media.daum.net/society/newsview?newsid=20121201111004557

Cheng, Sealing. “Rethinking “Human Trafficking”: Reflections from South Korea” in Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars, MIDDLE EAST PROGRAM & UNITED STATES STUDIES, OCCASIONAL PAPER SERIES, Rethinking Human “Trafficking,” SUMMER 2010.

Godwin, John. "Sex Work and the Law in Asia and the Pacific: Laws, HIV and human rights in the context of sex work." United Nations Development Programme, Oct 2012, p. 112. http://asia-pacific.undp.org/

Kim, Ji Hye. Korea’s New Prostitution Policy: Overcoming Challenges to Effectuate the Legislature’s Intent to Protect Prostitutes from Abuse. Pacific Rim Law & Policy Journal Association, 2007

Moon, Katherine. Military Prostitution and the U.S. Military in Asia, The Asia-Pacific Journal; Japan Focus, Jan 17, 2009.

Weiss, Ayla. Ten Years of Fighting Trafficking: Critiquing the Trafficking in Persons Report through the Case of South Korea, Asian-Pacific Law & Policy Journal [Vol. 13:2, 2012].

[1] Godwin, John. "Sex Work and the Law in Asia and the Pacific: Laws, HIV and human rights in the context of sex work." United Nations Development Programme, Oct 2012, p. 112. http://asia-pacific.undp.org/

[2] Moon, Katherine. Military Prostitution and the U.S. Military in Asia, The Asia-Pacific Journal; Japan Focus, Jan 17, 2009.

Women-Only Spaces & Allegations of Reverse Sexism

The Korea Times ran “'Male-free' zones ignite uproar: Some question the legitimacy of woman-only areas” by Park Jin-hai, Kwon Ji-youn, and Yoon Sung-won.

I have never once seen a space in Korea designated 'male-free.' I have seen a few women-only seats and lounges, but even these are rare. The reason Park, Kwon and Yoon flip the script from (still rarely used) 'woman-only' to 'male-free' is to call attention to their perception of reverse discrimination. The article contains a few half-hearted attempts to say that sometimes maybe possibly spaces reserved for women to prevent sexual harassment could maybe possibly sometimes be sort of important to public safety -- BUT really asks 'what about men's rights?' The purpose of the piece is to assert that men’s rights are being denied and that women-only spaces are reverse discriminatory. Park, Kwon and Yoon even go so far as to try to convince us that by pursuing public safety we are unwittingly putting the status of women in jeopardy[1].

That kind of rhetorical game was probably deployed to mitigate the way that the authors disregard evidence of sexual violence, or to  try to show a paternialistic concern for the status of women, or maybe to presume to understand the needs of women and convince women that such spaces are somehow not in their best interests -- but I'm not buying what you're selling.

The authors claim that

“All people agree to some extent that women including those with children should be provided with special care. But as some of the measures put in place include absurd directives it has triggered “reverse discrimination” against men and thus worsened confrontations between members of the opposite sex.”

I argue that it is not just providing for women-only space that cause conflict, but that the larger issue is a lack of public education explaining why such measures are necessary. More importantly, c'mon, sexual harassment itself is already a huge glaring pattern of 'confrontation between members of the opposite sex' that these spaces are designed to address. From a woman's perspective, let me tell you, if I were to weigh the 'confrontation' of sexual violence and harassment with the 'confrontation' of engaging in a dialog with a man explaining why women-only spaces are important, I KNOW which one is the WORSE 'confrontation.'

Reading closely, in the interviews shared in the article, the most-repeated statement by an interviewee is a variation of "I don't understand..." The authors also seem to either lack an understanding of why some spaces were reserved only for women, or they failed to investigate and report the reason in this article. I do think that campaigns that simply label a space ‘women only’ without providing an explanation could cause confusion and misunderstanding.More importantly, inadequately explained policies or labels are a major missed opportunity for public education about sexual violence, privilege and the importance of measures to promote safety.

The authors go on to cite women’s lounges at schools and law firms,

“there are special pink buses exclusively for female passengers. “The idea of having a safe bus ride is good. But having a bus which men are banned from, is tantamount to criminalizing all men and viewing them as potential sex criminals,” said Kang Hyun-chul. “It reminds me of the old-time black-white segregation of the South Africa. It is very insulting.”

*I am not an artist, but you get the point~

Park, Yoon and Kwon describe the activism of members of Ilbe and Man of Korea/남성연대 who snap pictures of women-only spaces for online discussion and offline complaint. Of course Ilbe and Man of Korea/남성연대 members can rush to claim reverse sexism by snapping a pic of the 'women's seat' at the library, because they don't know about or understand that there have been safety problems at the library. These self-proclaimed ‘men's rightists’ argue that they are excluded via reverse discrimination, and this may be partially attributed to the fact that they are not educated about the extent of their male privilege in this context. While the ‘men’s rights’ group thinks that they are being excluded from learning spaces at schools and library, their outrage is amplified the rapid gains made in women's educational attainment. At the same time, they do not realize that by being men they are not profiled in public spaces as a target for sexual harassment.

The signage could read something like “in accordance with ### law to prevent sexual harassment, this seat is reserved for women only” or “due to reported incidents of sexual harassment, this seat is reserved for women only” rather than simply saying “women only.” Doing so would immediately highlight our consciousness of harassment and possibly promote survivor reporting and bystander intervention.

The authors conclude,

“The hard facts still suggest that the status of Korean women lags behind those of other countries ― the World Economic Forum’s global gender gap report for 2012 ranked Korea 108th out of 135 countries around the world.
Yet, some of the measures that have been introduced without being given much thought as to their implications only jeopardize the status of women.”

The authors never explain the decision-making process behind making these women-only spaces and the critique that these are randomly designated spaces ignores the crime reports that are the actual basis for making safer women-only designated bus seats, train cars, library seats and lounges. Let’s get real; promoting the safety of women is NOT going to ‘jeopardize their status.’ Rather than internalizing, accepting and tolerating sexual harassment, visibility around sexual harassment teaches women and men to stand up for safe spaces for everyone.

Finally attitudes described by Professor Kwak,

“As more women pursue careers and succeed in these, the traditional viewpoint that regarded women as weak members of society has changed,” said Kwak Geum-ju, psychology a professor at Seoul National University. “Consequently, some males now go as far as to perceive women as competitors, exacerbating confrontations between the two sexes.”

demonstrate that we need to fill an education gap. We need to make sure that men and women understand these initiatives in the context of public safety, and do not mislabel them as competitive advantages for women. It isn’t about giving women a leg-up in the workplace; it is about preventing the sometimes debilitating effects of sexual violence so that women can safely access education.

Without appropriate public education campaigns to spread awareness, misunderstanding and backlash grow. Efforts to create safe spaces are overturned and women and social minority voices are effectively being silenced by backlash against human rights campaign progress. So let’s spread the word ourselves and help the public understand the reason that these projects exist. Let’s share information about sex crimes, let’s track where they happen, let’s stand up and intervene when we see sexual harassment, and let’s give public education to those who compare the pink car on a subway train to apartheid in South Africa.

This December a new public education project to promote awareness and reporting of street harassment will launch nationwide in Korea. Korean Gender Café 한국 젠더 카페 will soon post updates for those interested in this evolving project.

--
We'd like to highlight a few examples of our public awareness promotion around sexual violence, please see:

Sexual Assault and Harassment, Child Self-defense, Domestic Violence Shelter Volunteer
Seoul Rape Medical Treatment and National Police Hospital (Located on Line 3, exit 1)
What is quasi-rape? Is Park Si-hoo charged with rape?
Queer Corner: Imbalance of Power and Rape in the Korean Gay Community
Sexual Violence as a Migrating Woman, Re: India Story You Never Wanted to Hear
Queer Corner: Violence in a Label - 마짜, 때짜, 올
가정폭력 Domestic Violence Awareness : Music & Media

For another discussion on reverse sexism please see So-called "Reverse Sexism" in Korea 소위 ‘역차별’

For background on Ilbe and Man of Korea/남성연대 see our posts
What is "Men’s Korea" (formerly Boslachi)? 맨즈코리아 ('보슬아치' 사이트), 그들은 누구인가?
What is Man of Korea? ‘남성연대’, 그들은 누구인가?
Korean Male Union & Sexual Harassment 남성연대와 성희롱
Dangerous Man of Korea Fundraiser Ends in Death
‘남성연대’, 페미니즘 그리고 여성가족부의 대안 “Korean Male Union”, Feminism and Korean Ministry of Gender Equality and Family

This is the 70th post on the Korean Gender Café 한국 젠더 카페! *^^*

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[1] There are cases where public safety initiatives HAVE put women’s status and safety in jeopardy. For example, I urge Park, Kwon and Yoon to do some reading about refugee camps and peacekeeping operations under investigation where women were segregated and forced to trade sex for resources, were raped by peacekeepers, or were raped while searching for resources due to poor facilities for displaced persons. The pink car on the subway is NOT such an instance.

Slut-shaming the Parent Hurts the Child: Chief Prosecutor Chae Dong-wook, the Blue House and Korean Media

Slut-shaming the Parent Hurts the Child: 

Chief Prosecutor Chae Dong-wook, the Blue House and Korean Media

TODAY the Joongang Daily brought us “Love child report roils prosecutors, Blue House.” 

THE media knows very little about this case, and I know even less. Chief Prosecutor Chae Dong-wook may have a 10-year-old child outside of marriage. The second point of speculation centers on whether or not Chae paid for housing for his alleged son:

“In his confirmation hearing, Chae reported that his assets amounted to 1.25 billion won ($1.14 million), which included a 32-pyeong (1,138.7 square feet) apartment worth 654 million won in Irwon-dong, southern Seoul and 440 million won in savings. 

If the alleged son’s housing was paid for by Chae, he made a false report about his assets.

Chae rented out the apartment and currently lives in a nearby apartment with his wife and a daughter, having paid jeonse, or a lump-sum deposit, in lieu of rent. The jeonse was 450 million won."

HERE is where it gets really ugly:

“One of the reasons the Blue House named Chae as prosecution chief was because he was considered relatively clean in terms of financial background and also hadn’t dodged the draft.

“We never knew about this,” a spokesman of the Blue House told the JoongAng Ilbo. “If we knew about this, how could we possibly have appointed Chae as the prosecution chief?”

But there is contrary speculation that the Blue House, National Intelligence Service and officials of the ruling party were aware of Chae’s personal background, and details have now been leaked by a group that doesn’t want him leading the prosecution anymore.”

IN saying “If we knew about this, how could we possibly have appointed Chae?” The Blue House Spokesman does not seem to be referring to the false report of his assets in April. In that case, the Blue House Spokesman could say something like “We are deeply regretful that Chae has betrayed the public trust by not fully disclosing this information about his asset holdings.” It seems far more likely that the Blue House Spokesman is talking about Chae having a child out-of-wedlock.

ONCE again, the media knows very little about this case, and I know even less.  What I do know is that less than 13% of men in Korea pay child support to the unwed mothers who care for their children.[1]  So here we have Chae, who is providing for his son – in a social context of extreme stigmatization against children born to unwed mothers – being heavily criticized not so much for failing to come clean about his financial background, but is being attacked because “of Chae’s personal background.” 

SO, what message does this send to the 87% of men who father children out-of-wedlock? Definitely not to come clean and take responsibility for their children by paying for child support. If an unwed father did that, then the Blue House would know about his "personal background" and how could they ever appoint him to a high position or promote him? By slut-shaming either mother and father, Korean society, the media and now the Blue House show disregard for the human rights of children born out to unmarried parents. This attitude permits discrimination against children, denies them the right to support and care, and sends a broad social message that condemns their birth. 

THIS pervasive attitude may be tied to Korea’s repeated critique at UN committee hearings for Korea’s failure to adhere to the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC). The stigmatization of children and their unwed parents is tied to socio-economic consequences that deny these children equal opportunity under the law. Back in 2003 UN CRC concluding observations started to call attention to the fact that Korea insufficiently addresses “development of public education campaigns to combat discriminatory attitudes towards girls, disabled children and children born out of wedlock” and also expressed concern over the “limited amount of information regarding acts of discrimination against children from single parent families, children born out of wedlock, children with disabilities.  It is also concerned that the Constitution does not explicitly prohibit discrimination on the grounds of factors including disability, birth or other status, as stated in the Convention.”[2]  We also urge readers to take a look at our Korean Gender Café discussion on the stigmatization of unwed mothers and their children to find links to additional reports, summary of important data and interviews with unwed parents.  

FINALLY, let’s also talk about hyperbolic writing. The article opens “The criminal justice system was thrown into confusion early yesterday by a news report that disclosed an out-of-wedlock son of chief prosecutor Chae Dong-wook in the middle of a high-profile insurrection case and charges that the nation’s spy agency interfered in last year’s presidential election.” Really? Was the criminal justice system was thrown into confusion by the news of an out-of-wedlock son, or by the charge of corruption and insurrection by the nation’s leaders? The latter issues are far more threatening to the criminal justice system than an out-of-wedlock birth.

I WISH the justice system WERE thrown into confusion by a child born out-of-wedlock … maybe in that case the legal system would actually hold parents accountable for child support, protect the best interests of a child by keeping them with their family members, and promote healthy acceptance of all families, thereby promoting children’s equal rights and safe access to shelter, love, healthcare and education.

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[1] According to KUMSN and KWDI, 56.8%  of unwed mothers earned less than 1 million, 23% earned 1-1.5 million won, and only 20.2% had a monthly income of more than 2 million won per month. Only 14.6% of unwed mothers were receiving child support. Only 12.7% of divorced parents received child support from their ex-spouses. Source: Strengthening the Responsibility of Unwed Fatherhood, KUMSN & KWDI Conference, 2013.

[2] See linked "UNITED NATIONS CRC, Convention on the Rights of the Child,CRC/C/15/Add.197 18 March 2003, "CONSIDERATION OF REPORTS SUBMITTED BYSTATES PARTIES UNDER ARTICLE 44 OF THE CONVENTION, Concluding observations:Republic of Korea."